{"id":685,"date":"2010-02-07T09:00:51","date_gmt":"2010-02-07T14:00:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.excellenceuniversity.net\/journal\/?p=685"},"modified":"2014-10-09T13:59:13","modified_gmt":"2014-10-09T18:59:13","slug":"interpersonal-expertise-tip-creating-clear-strong-and-flexible-csf-boundaries","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.excellenceuniversity.net\/journal\/685\/interpersonal-expertise-tip-creating-clear-strong-and-flexible-csf-boundaries","title":{"rendered":"Interpersonal Expertise Tip: Creating Clear, Strong and Flexible (CSF) Boundaries"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>We all have personal preferences and values.\u00a0 If we don&#8217;t know how to respect our own preferences and values (and those of others &#8211; even those we disagree with), we can set ourselves up to experience a great deal of unnecessary conflict.\u00a0 Therefore, it seems imperative to know how to consistently set clear, strong and flexible (CSF) boundaries.\u00a0 CSF boundaries are created by individuals with the ability to identify and establish the kinds of relationship patterns that help everyone feel connected and understood; such abilities contribute greatly to Interpersonal Expertise.<\/p>\n<p>Clear, strong and flexible (CSF) boundaries can be created by understanding the basics of boundary-building.\u00a0 Here are some ways people have been able to create CSF boundaries:<!--more--><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Identification of rules and boundaries.<\/strong> &#8220;Rules&#8221; are the repeated patterns that determine how people interact.\u00a0 &#8220;Boundaries&#8221; are the collection of these rules that serve to separate and connect us.\u00a0 Rules and boundaries are in play even if we are unaware of them; the more aware we become of the boundaries that we prefer, the more influence we have over ourselves and our social interactions.\u00a0 For example, some of us are very comfortable with being the butt of a joke in public, others feel as though this is disrespectful of them.\u00a0 The more of our rules we are aware of, the more power we have to seek out people who will respect our boundaries.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Taking control of flexibility and interrelatedness.<\/strong> Some rules and boundaries are flexible and some are more rigid.\u00a0 For example, some of us are comfortable being the butt of a joke in certain public arenas, but not in all of them.\u00a0 This is an example of a flexible &#8220;public joking&#8221; rule.\u00a0 Others are more rigid with this rule; it may be that being the butt of a joke is not appreciated no matter who is doing the joking and where it is happening.\u00a0 In general, a collection of overly rigid rules tends to create a tone of disconnection with others, while overly flexible rules can sometimes create a tone of enmeshment or dependency (or an inability to establish our own values or preferences).\u00a0 By striking a balance between rule rigidity and flexibility, we can create a feeling of connection and independence (sometimes referred to as interdependence) within our important relationships.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Seeking out environments where boundaries are respected. <\/strong> As many people know, certain environments and groups of people are not very respectful of others&#8217; values and\/or preferences.\u00a0 The creation of clear, strong and flexible boundaries can be enhanced by placing ourselves in environments that respect our rules and boundaries.\u00a0 After we become aware of our boundaries and how flexible or rigid we want them to be, we can then seek to spend more time with people who respect these preferences and minimize time spent with those who do not.\u00a0 For example, if we have a rigid rule about not wanting to be joked about in public, it can be helpful to seek out people who work to avoid doing this (and minimize time with those who do not respect this preference).<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>NOTE TO THOSE USING THE MISSION FULFILLMENT SYSTEM:<\/strong> You can move toward more Interpersonal Expertise by adding a new Objective to your system by using the \u201cAdd New Item\u201d link (for example, \u201cCreate clear, strong and flexible boundaries\u201d).\u00a0 You can then develop a SMART Goal related to that new Objective by using the \u201cAdd Subitem\u201d link to the far right of the new Objective (for example, \u201cSpend 15 minutes a week identifying my rigid rules and my flexible rules.\u201d).<br \/>\n<strong><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>FOR THOSE WHO ARE NOT ON THE MISSION FULFILLMENT SYSTEM: <\/strong><a href=\"..\/..\/tracking_execution.php\" target=\"_blank\">Click here<\/a> to for more information and <a href=\"..\/..\/contact.php\" target=\"_blank\">click here<\/a> to sign up.<\/p>\n<p><strong>FINAL NOTE:<\/strong> If you were linked to this article by a video or email, please return to that link and proceed with any other instructions that you deem helpful.\u00a0\u00a0For more Execution Excellence and Interpersonal Expertise tips and tools visit our site at: <a href=\"..\/..\/\" target=\"_blank\">www.excellenceuniversity.net<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We all have personal preferences and values.\u00a0 If we don&#8217;t know how to respect our own preferences and values (and those of others &#8211; even those we disagree with), we can set ourselves up to experience a great deal of unnecessary conflict.\u00a0 Therefore, it seems imperative to know how to consistently set clear, strong and [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.excellenceuniversity.net\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/685"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.excellenceuniversity.net\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.excellenceuniversity.net\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.excellenceuniversity.net\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.excellenceuniversity.net\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=685"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/www.excellenceuniversity.net\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/685\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":734,"href":"https:\/\/www.excellenceuniversity.net\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/685\/revisions\/734"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.excellenceuniversity.net\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=685"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.excellenceuniversity.net\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=685"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.excellenceuniversity.net\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=685"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}