Spending less time worrying about pleasing others
April 2nd, 2007
Trying to please others (instead of focusing on doing things as well as we possibly can) is so often a major reason why people don’t perform up to their capabilities. My experience leads me to believe that this is due to the increased pressure that comes with this unnecessary worry (“they won’t like me if I excel”, “I shouldn’t talk about my idea – others will think it is stupid”). Encouraging others to give up “oughts” and “shoulds” for “want to’s” and “like to’s” typically leads to more intrinsic motivation, enjoyment, commitment – and less need to be micro-managed.
As Jack Welch and Jim Collins note in their works, more idea surface when a team is less concerned with pleasing others and more concerned with putting their best ideas “out there” for the team to discuss and debate. Often, people report that they do not voice their ideas out of fear of being ridiculed or not appreciated – those who are less concerned with pleasing others will be more confident in bringing more ideas to the table. Is there an unspoken idea in the head of one of your people right now that could change the course of your organization?
Click here to read more about Fully Functioning Organizations
Article Filed under: I. WATER (Team/Group Excellence)
3 Comments Add your own
1. Jessica Manemeit | November 20th, 2007 at 11:15 pm
I agree with, and can appreciate this article. I used to be that person, and I am slowly trying to push aside the “I want everyone to like me” concern. It is such a relief and a reward to have the confidence to express my ideas openly and also accept them from those willing to do the same thing. I believe that there are truly a great deal of amazing ideas out there that people have, but they are too concerned with other people’s reactions or acceptance. A way to overcome the fear of “a bad idea” is to not see it as a failure, or something personal. Good Leaders are confident in their ideas, and those of their people. They reward all ideas whether or not they are used, and continue to encourage them. As a leader that is something that I always try to do, and encourage others to do as well.
2. Brian Higley | November 23rd, 2007 at 10:32 pm
Thank you for your thoughts, Jessica,
I think the advantages of having a team that is filled with people who are more focused on getting their ideas out there than trying to please others (sometimes by failing to voice their true opinions) makes the advantages of promoting team-wide self-esteeem and authenticity clear. I think an aspect of great leadership is Self-Mastery – and I believe that a critical component of Self-Mastery is the experience of optimal levels of self-esteem. Finally, I think that a way to check on esteem levels throughout a team is to watch how often people put forth new ideas and/or feel comfortable disagreeing with each other (especially with those who are of higher status). In the sharpest, most energetic teams, I think the need to please (and to be pleased by yes-men) is secondary to the desire to be authentic. Leaders who struggle with authenticity (in themselves or their teammates) will see idea generation suffer.
3. Excellence Tree Journal &&hellip | February 20th, 2009 at 11:40 am
[…] Spending less time worrying about pleasing others click here to read more […]
Trackback this post | Subscribe to comments RSS Feed
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>